Little Epiphanies Everywhere

As an intuitive, I get information all of the time about people, the energy of buildings, people who have crossed over etc. It's a common misconception that because a person is psychic- they are able to see into their own lives and know exactly what is coming there way or how things will turn out. Sadly, it just doesn't work that way because my own emotional expectations and ties to situations and people can color information I "see".
But occasionally, a little morsel of insight will peek through clearly enough for me to see it. Today was one of those days.

There were little Epiphanies everywhere.

1.) Standing in line to pay for my Luna bar: I was thinking about the times in my life where I was really poor- so poor I didn't have two Chuck E. Cheese tokens to rub together. And yet, I would step forward into my day, in great faith, knowing that somehow I would be taken care of. And sure enough I would be. A reimbursement check would show up in my mailbox in the exact amount I needed to put gas in my car and buy some groceries. A friend would invite me over for dinner spontaneously. I find some money in the laundry. Or magically I would be able to create delicious meals from my pantry -(my cooking has always been self-labeled as experimental- traditional- bachelorette fare...). That is what I would call a small miracle. So what if I aimed to trust my faith on a bigger leap, as if all of the smaller miracles added up to big practice and proof ? What if I left my retail job to work for myself???!!!!! Hmmmmmm...

2.)thinking about the similarities between my brother and my relationship patterns, I suddenly became very aware of how he and I were programmed to be magnets for ill fitting relationships of one of the worst kind- unrequited love.

If they are not interested in me, I am definitely interested in them.
Emotionally unavailable? Even better.
Lacking self- confidence? That's my specialty.
Baggage still painfully and obviously unresolved from past relationship(s)? Yeah , Baby!

I will obsess, and pine and find a way to make it work, to consistantly attempt to awaken desire that has yet to be realized for me.

"Oh little, Paula. You know better. You advise people regularly on this situation. And yet, you have been so disconnected from your own behaviors, from this angle.

Stop. Drop Cupid's arrow, and run, don't walk into your therapist's office. Do not enter into a relationship until you are confident you will not relapse into choices leading to another unrequited love. I know, it's difficult when there hasn't been a model to follow in your family and you long to experience the joys and challenges being in a loving relationship brings.... Trust me when I say this is pattern worth breaking and you and your brother WILL do it. Don't look back and have gratitude for all you have learned. "

"Don't settle for a boyfriend- demand a MANfriend."

3.) driving home tonight: less resistance; more acceptance.
There is so much I resist in my head and heart at times. I resist the idea that I can be 50 lbs lighter because I have never been a size 8. I resist the idea that I am talented.I resist the idea a man could totally and completely love me for all that I am and want me. I resist my own great power. That is exhausting, not to mention futile.

Why not try accepting more?

Accept the me I am right now. Accept my behaviors and patterns. Accept where I came from. Accept my right to choose to change. Accept others, especially when they reject you. Accept your eccentricity and mild craziness.

After all, these are the things that make up who I am. The people in my life who love and adore me accept me just the way I am, why not me too?


"Look inside your heart and I'll look inside mine."