Faith

Currently, I find myself in the open living room here at Casa Delfin. It's close to sunset. I have spent the day after meeting up with Kelly, Todd & company at Mi Casa for brunch (and finally a pina colada!), doing exactly what I want: nothing.

Well, not nothing, exactly.

Nothing consisted of this:


Beach time




yes, in the Magic Hammock. Again. Seriously. I could be quite happy here.


I have been surrounded this week by loving couples, made up of awesome men and the strong, beautiful women they cherish. It is refreshing to see that. And dear reader, I needed to see that. Because I will confess that I have moments of doubt. Yes, I have faith that there is a lid for every pot. Truly I do....and sometimes doubt creeps in and I wonder if I'll ever really find mine.

Could he really be out there. Could we be, as Kelly and Todd so aptly spoke in their ceremony,
"...apart, yet connected in our ignorance of each other, like two apples sharing a common tree"?

I am, oddly enough, in this hammock I am reading books that all have the topic of marriage in them in some way or another. That wasn't totally planned, and has none the less set me thinking intensely on the subject.

Today, I have been reading "Mr. and Mrs. Fitzwilliam Darcy". You'll have to forgive me here, as I developed a very dear love for Jane Austen in high school, and subsequently, Bridget Jones, and Colin Firth in well... anything, but especially as either Fitzwilliam Darcy or Mark Darcy. Mr. Darcy has long symbolized for me, the sort of man I most wanted to be in partnership with. The struggles of coming together, having to be overcome by the pride and prejudices we each feel. Ultimately, ending in the perfect match for each.

Yes, I realize its just a story. I am a hopeless romantic with a teenaged girl's dreams secreted inside. Once upon a time, I even thought I had most certainly glimpsed my own Mr. Darcy. But alas, I was wrong. Because if I had, he would have let me know. Instead, there is only silence which I interpreted as a buzzer answering "WRONG!!!!!". *sigh*

So, I sit here, on this sofa, listening to the kids splash in the pool, and Sting sing on the radio about losing his faith, and wonder....

Is HE really out there? Seeing my friends together in this incredible relationships brings some hope. It must be possible. It must be. These women are so fantastic and the men see it- they see all of it. They love them with so much conviction, and as a result, though I am sure these relationships are not perfect, I am so inspired by observing the way these people love each other. Unconditionally, with total acceptance. Wow. Nice to finally see that in action.

too much time in the hammock today, friends.....tooo much....