The Union of Shiva and Shakti
Image from ashtarcommandcrew.net
Yin and Yang
Black and white
Positive and negative
Light and dark
Male and female
Lately, I have been exploring and focused on these polarities within myself. It came about last week, as I was falling asleep. The whole right side of my body ached at different points. Funny how not at all on the left side, I thought.
The next morning, I was reading in a book about the Inner Masculine and Inner Feminine. The book introduced the concept that the right side of the body is the Feminine side, and the left is the Male side. Coincidence? I think not. The correlation between the two relates also to the Hindu principles of the Divine Union between Shiva (God) and Shakti (Goddess) and how when they are aligned, they are connected as One, to the Divine.
I believe in the idea that we are all of God/ Goddess, and discord between and reconnection of the Inner Masculine and the Inner Feminine- are the hurdle to a more enlightened state of being. But I had not really thought much about it as it relates to my own physical body, or my relationship connections until now.
A few days later, I was at acupuncture and I was telling all of this to my other acupuncturist, M. I was further relating a new understanding- perhaps that the reason the right side of my body had been aching, was because I am over-pronounced with my Inner Feminine. I am lacking the voice and expression of my Inner Masculine, creating a sense of numbness and disconnection from the ledt side of my physical body. M. confirmed this based on the points I showed her were hurting. She went on to explain some of Chinese Medicine's concepts around Chi (the body's life force/ spirit) and the union of Yin and Yang (masculine and feminine energies), and it all lined up to what I am experiencing in my life presently. It never surprises me that my body speaks in a language that relates to what I am going through in my life on an emotional/spiritual plane. Of course this is what would be happening for me! This is what comes out of listening to my body's messages- Aha! moments of supreme significance. M. treated me with the needles in such a way that my body would begin to unlock the pathways to uniting the two sides. I can feel the shifting even now, gently it the left side is waking up.
Over the last week, several facts that back up this idea have presented themselves to me:
- my hormone panel test done a few months ago, revealed that I have a very high level of estrogen in my body. Estrogen is the female sex hormone.
-I am right handed, and thus I use the right side of my body quite a lot. Even my nose piercing is done on my right side of the nose.
-I am deeply disconnected from the left side of my body. The fact that I am completely deaf in my left ear ads to the disconnection and dependency on my right side was no doubt encouraged and fostered by this fact. When I stop to get quiet and really feel my body- I can honestly say I don't feel a kinship with the whole left side of myself. It is an odd sensation to realize that I feel as if one side of body is a total and complete stranger, even after living with it for 33 years.
-I have more women friends than guy friends. Strong females gravitate towards me, because I am such a fierce woman. Men that I am close to, are few and far between. I would also observe that the the men who are my close friends, are men who are comfortable with their feminine side. I also observe that the many lesbian* friends I have is again because of the fiercely strong female energy I radiate. (* this also got me thinking about all of my dear gay friends- perhaps homosexuality is the transitioning of the two energies in this lifetime...hmmm... this is fascinating to me. I have never questioned why people are gay. I have known many and have them as family and best friends. It has always seemed to me that it has been more about the person and what makes them to be who they are, rather than what their sexual preference is- that part seems to be the result of the balance of self in this particular life, is my theory.)
- I am right brained- meaning I live by my intuition, creativity, and feelings. The left brainers of the world are guided by logic and reason.
- all of my ex-boyfriends have been weak men and also men who are more in touch with their feminine sides and not manly men.
- I realize what I am seeking is a man who is balanced and is comfortable on both sides of those energies. My ideal man is part John Corbett's character from "The United States of Tara", part Joe Dubois from the tv show " Medium", and part Jack Johnson. The Ideal Man who I not only desire to partner in relationship with, but he is also the fully expressed version of the Male half of who I am. The Ideal man is down-to-earth, solid, protective, a problem solver, openly communicative, logical as well as feeling. He can hold space for intellect and emotion. He is comfortable with his whole self. He is a warrior. He is a god. He is an artist. He is a scientist. He is a spiritual man. He is a family man. He is a man of heart. He is a man of reason. He is not perfect, thus making him perfect. )
John Corbett
image from: seat42f.com
Jake Webber as "Joe Dubois", who's chracter is an actual rocket scientist on "Medium"
image from:experienciapersonal.es
Jack Johnson
song writer, singer, musician, surfer, family man, environmental advocate
image from:sports.espn.go.com
Further research into the imbalance of the Inner Masculine and Inner Female talk about how if a person is lacking and seeking a relationship with say for example as in my case, a man, it is partly, if not fully attributed to the fact that there is a huge disconnect within the self between the two sides. This resonates with me. My Female side has overshadowed my Male, and so I have no idea how to really interact or connect with a strong, whole, balanced man.
This got me pondering....
I had a dominance of the Female energy from a young age because I needed it, and it served me well. As a result, the disconnect has left me a stranger to half of myself. The idea that by calling forth, welcoming in and getting to know that side of myself can lead to inner balance feels like what I have been seeking. It becomes less about seeking out a man to be in partnership with, and more about coming into a relationship with the man in me.
As soon as I asked for these parts of me to show up- the Inner Male (Native American Warrior God) and Inner Feminine (Celtic Priestess/ Goddess) and reveal themselves to me, they did. And they are vastly different, and yet they yearn to be united. Its a beautiful love story waiting to be told. I feel a deep desire to not just marry myself, but to commit these two parts of who I am into a sacred union. This is what I think is really meant by "loving yourself".
It also had me wondering if this is the real reason behind why the Great Love Story resonates with so many - because when we see those happy endings, and sigh those wistful sighs- is it because we feel its a dream of fulfillment we can never have, yet we deeply desire? Is this also why when we break up from someone we have been in a significant partner relationship, it is so heartbreaking? Because we feel like the only way to attain this energy is through another? We know this to not be true, and yet it does not feel so if we are not enlightened. What if we realized we are our own happy ending- the uniting of our self is the romantic fairy tale we have been wanting to read all along? And what about people in successful partnerships- do the two balance each other out? Do there Inner Masculine and Inner Female all get along and play nicely with each other? Hmmmm.....
Driving to work yesterday, mulling over all of this an more, a song came on the radio that was so apropos, that it could not be a coincidence. I am including a video of a remake with Maroon 5 and Sara Evans, and the classic by Stevie Nicks and Don Henley is still my favorite. The lyrics speak to both of my parts and the love story that is unfolding within.
Take from me, my lace..."
g
