Great Expectations

A blast from my past occurred this week. One of my Dad's other children from his second marriage contacted me. I haven't seen her since the spring my Dad died. She and I are almost exactly 10 years and 2 days apart. Another Sagittarius...and I feel do understand her in ways she probably isn't even aware.
The sister who contacted me is the one I was closest to at the beginning of her childhood. I looked after her a bit...helping to get her dressed in the morning, and do her hair. Taking her to the park to play. Watching old cartoons, "Mary Poppins", "101 Dalmations" and "Jungle Book". Letting her sit in my room with me and Derrick, coloring happily with her left hand. (While she showed a natural favoring of her left hand, both my dad and grandfather adamantly forced her to be right handed - " Because it was just easier to be that way in the world." I remember being so angry at my dad, when he gave that answer. What a load of shit! I was frustrated, being 14 years old and not being able to stand up better for my sister's right to be herself. I was appalled that he would so blatantly try to mold her into what he thought a perfect daughter should be like. Obviously I was not going to fit that mold, I thought. And just like when I knew in an exact moment I was going to break up with a boyfriend, I knew then too that I would soon be breaking up with my Dad. It was shortly after that time, that for many varied reasons, I did not see my father again until I was 20 years old.)
But, as usual, I digress....
With my sister emailing me this week, she immediately went into all that she felt was wrong with the family (and yeah it was a messed up family), her place in it now and her wishes to begin to build a new relationship with the Big Sister she never got to know. I felt that she had these expectations of who I was for her - a fantasy sister not actually aligned with who I am. I am so very different than her, and she hasn't had enough experiences and growth to be accepting of people's differences just yet. She is only 19 - and we can all remember what it was like to be 19, right? ( I myself was angry at my parents and the world. I moved away from home and began to embrace my independence. I don't think she is there just yet.)
I gathered this feedback from her lack of reply to my own response. Because, being the Sagittarius I am, I cannot just sit back and not let the whole truth be hidden when only one side is being expressed. Perhaps she thought I was going to be different and tiptoe around the issues. Perhaps she thought I would sugarcoat everything and agree with her. *sigh* I agree that she has a right to feel any way she wants to, and that she should also take in the other pieces of truth along with her own for consideration.
In the end - we are blood. I don't feel a strong connection for various reasons. Do I love my Dad's other family? Of course I do - that love is unconditional. But if there is no room for people to be themselves without the heavy burden of great expectations- then it is the relationship- not the love- that is conditional.
While I am a little sad that our brief reconnection was not more fruitful - I recognize that there is always the hope of someday. Someday maybe we can be better acquainted. I went into it knowing that we most likely wouldn't see each other, and so I was not terribly disappointed. I wish her well in all she will do and be. She has an exciting adventure awaiting her. "All aboard for the 20's!!" It's going to be a fun, scary, emotional, hard, joyous time... I am myself am soooo glad to be on the way out. Here I come 30!!!