Internal Affairs

Ugh.
There is a lot I haven't been saying lately, here. I have been internalizing most of it, because its quite jumbled up in my head. A fog of confusion seems to be permeating my brain cells, and I am awash with uncertainty.

I want to blame it on the moon.
My hormones.
Mercury retrograde.
Mars retrograde.
Lack of sleep.
Stagnation.
.....

And sure maybe all of that has a hand in it, or maybe I am just at a place that defies explanation. Its this strange place where I am navigating the terrain of my emotions. I am endeavoring to do so with more patience and objectivity than I ever thought possible for me. It feels like NOTHING is changing. I feel STUCK. " I worry too much over situations I know will be alright." Spring time happenings remind me other wise, and I vague notions of feeling similarly last year. Seeing the green shoots of the bluebells working their way out of the soil helps me to remember that growth happens in its own time, and even when you think it's not.

I am being stretched beyond my comfort zone- old issues are up and I am trying hard not to treat them the way I always have.
Money.
Relationships.
Work.
Future Projects.
Nourishing my body.

It all feels like a ball of wax in my head, and I worry I will never make sense of it all. I want to go into greater detail, but then I don't want to perpetuate the negatively of what I am feeling now. Plus, I don't know who actually reads this blog- so I don't want to get too personal. (I do post these on FB sometimes, and I imagine that people I know and work with read it, and then don't want to admit to reading it because they enjoy being a voyeur. Hell I do when I read other blogs, so I get it- totally. Not that anything I have to say is about any of those people- its just I don't know. .... I don't know... I just need to get it out of my head and for some clarity to announce itself.



*le sigh*