Botulism: A Dance With The Devil

I am writing this from the comfort of my bed- one of the favorite places in my life. (with its temperpedic mattress, freshly washed jersey cotton sheets, fluffy/firm pillows and down comforter- how could it not be?). I am poised to enter Slumber Land, and before I do I felt it was important to document today, as it may very well be my last day due to the Dance.....

Today, I it was my Sunday and I spent it:
writing a budget fro the next 2 months
on the phone with the car insurance company, the rental car company, assorted utilities making payments
washing windows in the sunshine
doing laundry pt. 1 (which consists of washing everything, and putting it in a giant pile on the table in the laundry/guest room. Tomorrow post work- pt 2: sorting, folding/hanging/ putting it all away)
cleaning out and organizing cupboards in the kitchen
doing the dishes
attempting to make Carnitas Enchiladas... this is where the story gets DANGEROUS. Brace yourselves.

In the midst of all the time spent in my kitchen today, sun shining, music filling the space...I pulled out of the freezer the leftover carnitas I made via my Crock Pot Husband last week. As I was cleaning out my cupboards, I decided to use a can of slightly dented tomatoes, to thicken the sauce for the enchiladas. The sauce was made from the frozen carnitas broth, and the tomatoes, and a little tapioca starch made it perfectly viscous. I boiled the shit out of it- partly because I wanted to reduce it down to a very thick sauce, and also because in the back of my mind the possibility of the tomatoes being contaminated with Botulism was present.
I sauteed up the carnitas with mushrooms, red pepper, onion, and kale. Oh the smells were heavenly! I spooned a few table spoons of the sauce in to the pan with the meat and veggies because I wanted to spice it up a skosh. A little paranoid voice piped up and said " don't do it Paula!"
Too late. I took a few bites. Oh.my.god. It was perfection....

What my close friends and family know about me, is that I can work myself up into a panic and become drenched in anxiety if I ponder a possibility of life-threatening magnitude. And this is exactly what began to happen...

What if I had just given myself Botulism??!!! I would be dead by morning...Crikey!!!

Feeling like Bridget Jones: Overly- Dramatic Singleton, my mind raced... the Internet was too vague or too specific. The idea of posing the question to all of my Facebook friends made me feel vulnerable and stupid. But I needed to find the information that would soothe my fears of being found, days later dead with my cat circling my lifeless body wondering when dinner was being served....these are the places my mind goes as a single woman. (Bridget's fear is being found dead, as wild dogs feed on her lifeless body...)

So I called my oldest friend Susie, who is a brilliant biologist, in Seattle.

" Hi."
" Hi. I need to ask you a question about something scientific, because I am kind of freaking out right now. I need to talk to someone smarter than I am, about this."
"Ok. What is going on?"

I explained the enchilada fiasco.

"So... do you think I am ok? Am I going to die Suz?"
Pause.
She asked a few questions about the condition of the can, and I answered.
Pause.
" I think you are going to be ok."
exhale. giggles from both of us.
" Suz, will you call me in the morning to make sure I am still alive?"
" Of course. I totally get it. I just asked a friend to do the same thing for me last week, before a night hiking expedition for work." More giggles. "Your tombstone would read, " Here lies Paula. She died from Botulism." More giggles.
We proceeded to laugh, really , really hard about the whole thing (and also the mention of this video we made in high school for our Humanities class). The humor of the situation- that this is what single people, like myself, have to resort to in odd situations such as this. It felt good to share the anxiety with someone else who not only understood my situation and could relate, but someone who knows me well and didn't make me feel stupid for freaking out. That is a great friend. (Thanks again, Suz!!!! <3)

There is nothing like a dance with the devil, to make you appreciate your life. If today was my last day, would I be ok with that? Have I done everything, said everything I want to?
No.
I haven't been in love.
I haven't seen Ireland.
I haven't written my book.
I haven't had a baby.
I haven't ... well the list is long.
My life is short, and time is fleeting....
and the laundry is not going to fold itself, no matter how much I might wish otherwise....

If I wake up tomorrow, (and its quite likely I will), I will be grateful for another day. Holy Toasted Marshmallows- there is so much life to live!!!! Its too short for eating Carnitas Enchiladas sprinkled with the possibility of Botulism!

Carpe Diem, People!!!!! Go get it!