Vestibularly what??!!

The vestibular system, as defined by wikipedia:

"The vestibular system, which contributes to balance in most mammals and to the sense of spatial orientation, is the sensory system that provides the leading contribution about movement and sense of balance. Together with the cochlea, a part of the auditory system, it constitutes the labyrinth of the inner ear in most mammals, situated in the vestibulum in the inner ear (Figure 1). As our movements consist of rotations and translations, the vestibular system comprises two components: the semicircular canal system, which indicate rotational movements; and the otoliths, which indicate linear accelerations. The vestibular system sends signals primarily to the neural structures that control our eye movements, and to the muscles that keep us upright . The projections to the former provide the anatomical basis of the vestibulo-ocular reflex, which is required for clear vision; and the projections to the muscles that control our posture are necessary to keep us upright."

This is important to me for a couple of reasons.
1.) I am vestibularly challenged due to the nerve damage in my left ear.
I hide it well, I suppose. Or not. If you know what to look for- like when I run into walls, carts, desks, etc, while sober- this is usually the real reason why.

2.) I am 100% deaf in my left ear due to the nerve damage received at the age of four years old, from a severe ear, nose, and eye infection.
I had many, many horrid and severe ear infections as a toddler. I suspect this may have been due to dairy and wheat sensitivities. Also, all of the women on my mother's side of the family have difficulty with hearing, which meant I was genetically predisposed from the get-go.
People, including doctors,are shocked to learn this fact about me. Then someone (usually a guy) will say something along the lines of " So if I were to yell really loud into your left ear, you wouldn't hear a thing, right? HA HA!"
Yeah.
And that's sooo funny.
Never heard that one before...(and no I don't hear the way it sounds when you plug your ears or are underwater..unless my ears are congested with fluid or I am actually underwater. It all sounds as normal to me as it does to you.)
Usually I reveal this information after someone remarks on how I ignore them when they are trying to get my attention. No I am not being rude, I just didn't hear you. (That can at times be a useful handicap to have. ;) )I often sleep best with my "good ear to the pillow". Most all of my friends are "trained" to walk on my right side, even if they don't realize it. (My oldest friend Susie has unknowingly "trained" all of her friends to walk on her right as well, due to the habit I encouraged in her when we were teenagers!)
My nose is pierced on the right side because I am right ear-ed and right-handed. REMEMBER: the right side is the right side!
I learned to read lips early on, and I adapted beautifully. Mumblers annoy me to no end, as do close-talkers. I prefer to watch movies and tv with closed captioning, therefore avoiding having to figure out plot or conversation. I only need one ear plug, when sleeping in a weird place or traveling. I position myself in a room so that I can always hear what is being said (if I want to pay attention) out of habit. I cock my right ear towards the tv or movie screen. I get angry and frustrated when I have difficulty hearing, a lot of times unknowingly so, until I make the connection.

No, I don't know sign language. I keep thinking it might be a good idea to learn it one day, but then who would I "talk" to?

3.) one of my greatest vulnerabilities comes from a feeling of not being balanced or grounded, due to being vestibularly challenged.
You know how some days you just feel "off"? I feel that way physically, and it makes me incredibly stupid. There is a part of me that worries other people see me as ditzy, clumsy, and dumb. Sure, I am in some scenarios, and I am actually quite an intelligent and smart human being. Not a genius, and I know stuff.

4.) I also have vertigo (which has been dormant the last couple of years, thank the sweet baby jesus!)
When I went to Egypt three years ago, I flew on 11 different planes in 10 days. All of that flying created a tear in my inner ear, which activated my vertigo. When I came home, it hit me and struck at anytime and anyplace. The vertigo debilitated and rendered me useless for 2 - 4 days at a time.Imagine the worst hangover you have ever had and multiply that by 100 million times for 24 hours. Spinning head, sensitivity to light, nausea, vomiting, splitting headache, exhaustion, frustration, crying... It was absolutely one of the most awful times in my life. It lasted close to a year. Previous to that and before I was accurately diagnosed, it happened once a month age 21- 24 (my vertigo was also affected by my hormonal imbalance. Such good times...)

This physical challenge of mine, is what creates fear around skiing, snowboarding and roller skating for me. Balance can be rehabilitated through activity and physical therapy- so I am not worried that I cannot overcome the challenge. It is more, or less, the experience of the challenge as I know it to be now and what I worry it will prevent me from doing. Being vestibularly challenged is where a lot of my feelings of lack of coordination, lack of confidence in particiaptingin physical activities, and absence of grace stem from. I have to remember to not be so hard on myself- to cut my body some slack. It is doing the absolute best it can every second of every day.

"...Enjoy your body,
use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people
think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever
own.. "

*throws fist into the air* I shall prevail!

Just give me a wiiiidddee berth...