Moving the mountain

A mountain of freight is overwhelming me at work.
I have been by myself the last two days as the onslaught of holiday freight has begun to show up. Upon my arrival this morning, my receiver looked at me and said, " Hey you see these two PALLETS of boxes? Yeah - they are yours." I had been crying in the car on the way to work this morning after hearing a John Mayer song, ( see the clip below...so much for break-up moving on process...) and had to sit in the car a few extra minutes to collect myself before I went in to the store. After hearing Josh's freight news, I wanted to burst into tears again.
Because God dammit this is hard!!!! A hard week, a hard summer, a sad and lonely fall, without him.
I stood in my back stock aisle this afternoon, surrounded by all of these boxes of stuff that needed to be processed and put out. I felt I was in so deep that I might never get out. But then it occurred to me that the only way through it was to dig in and get to work. That each box I unpacked would put me that much closer to the other side of the mountain.
That truth correlates to my heartbreak.
That I just have to get inside my heart, do the work of letting it all go..letting it sail away to somewhere where heartaches and disappointments go...they don not have to live inside me for always, neatly packed up in boxes...
And though I cannot see it right now, there is another side to this mountain, and I will get there...
But it won't be today.
Probably not next week.
Hopefully by New Years.
But maybe not even until next fall...

Cause like my real boyfriend, John Mayer says...When you're dreaming with a broken heart, waking up is the hardest part...


When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part

You roll out of bed and down on your knees
and for a moment you can hardly breathe
Wondering was she really here
Is she standing in my room?

No, she's not
cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone.

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The giving up is the hardest part

She takes you in with her crying eyes
then all at once you have to say goodbye
wondering could you stay my love

will you wake up by my side?

No, she can't
cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone.

Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my, roses in my hands?
Would you get them if I did?

No, you won't
Cause you're gone, gone, gone, gone, gone.

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
the waking up is the hardest part.