Today is one of those days where I want to say, "Fuck it all."
I want to say it, and partly mean it, but I don't. The truth is my life is fantastic, things are perculating and (inshallah, moving forward, even if it feels like at a Magic Cottage Slug's pace...)
I am an All or Nothing Type of person. I either give 110.547 % or - 1,000 points. I do not know how to comfortably hang out in the middle.
Uncertainty is a place I struggle in, because it is a place without action or forward movement. My internal fire does not know how to deal with that. This place is called Uncertainity, and today, hopefully just today, I feel stuck smack dab in the middle of it.
Frusteration, exasperation, repression, restraint, dissatisfaction, apathy, and that "Fuck it All" feeling are driving my thoughts. Its not a particularly good place in feeling. The recognition of the fact that this is the shadow side of my sunny disposion is present. This too shall pass. Tomorrow is another day...blah, blah, blah....
Today, right now, I am stuck in the middle. In the doldrums. And I just want to Moooovvveeee......
Drive off in the car, hop on a plane, run in the forest, swim in the sea...I just want to expand. I want to jump into things and get my hands dirty and figure it out as I go along.
Waiting for Divine Timing to catch up to my Grand Visions and plans sucks sometimes. It requires such patience.
*deep sigh*
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