What I am about

It's 6:30am.
My plan did not include being up until 7:30am, to go for a walk. But someone, someone like my dear sweet feline roomate, thought it would be a good idea to try and get me up at 5:30 am. Her plan back fired as I exhiled her to the living room and have tossed and turned for the last hour.....

Fine. I will write and empty my head.

Because that's one of the things I am about, in my 31st year- lightening the load. Saying how I feel , putting it out into the world, and surrendering to what ever shows up as a result.

Honesty. With myself first and foremost. And the rest? Well- you are free to do what you like with the info- it may or may not affect me. Its a free world afterall.

Today is a rather important day- I am allowing a seed of thought a friend put in my head a few months ago, to blossom. I am going to the darkside. Tired of being blonde all my life, I have decided to go deeper. See myself from another angle. Something like this:

That's the lovely Kate Beckinsale. I chose her because I have similar coloring with my hazel green eyes.
Part of my reason for choosing to go darker, is that I envision my smaller self having dark hair. I have some pounds to shed and for me- this is the starting place in the race against myself. I want to take the next year to actively shed the extra bits I don't want to be carrying around. With help of yoga, walking/running, Jillian Michaels- well I know its possible. Its not impossible.
Emotionally, I am getting ready to head back to therapy. I have the eating part down, and I know what I need to do to get active, and the emotional part about what the weight represents is equally important. My body is the weight it is now due to genetics and hormonal issues as well as the emotions that come from those issues. When you have been a little heavier than most of your peers since you were nine, you definitely have feelings about that.
Its difficult for us all to be who we are at times because we constantly compare who we are to what and who we se around us. The truth is I am never going to have Kate Beckinsales body. I am not that tall or shaped the way she is. I do suspect that underneath all of this lies a body more similar to Salma Hayak.



We are the same height, she and I, and share a top heavy silhouette with hips. I have to blaze the trail a bit here and also employ my imagination because no one in my family is small like me. Imagining can be tough because it requires vision and faith.

I am all about that too, this year. Creating an aligned vision for myself and having the faith that I can get there.

Now, if I could just get my cat to let me sleep through the night.....