like a sponge

"Sometimes, I want to relive the golden moments again- the ones we made together. But I find that anytime I allow my self to visit that space of remembrance too long, those moments begin to tarnish, and it only motivates me to be twice as determined to keep moving forward, and not looking back too long, at who I was when I was with you. Because when I look at it from where I am now- I was mostly miserable a lot of the time- because you are." - me on the subject of my first love

Residual grief for an ill fitting relationship is surprising in how it sometimes pops up. Just waves of emotions that wash over and leave me feeling bittersweet.

Maybe its because as I approach the the possibility- of a beginning in a brand new relationship- the tiny tinge of dormant sadness, is sometimes moved. By reminiscing, it bubbles up, making more frequent appearances. It feels as if the higher part of me is working at squeezing them out. Much like a sponge. All to make myself ready to absorb all the delightful stuff on its way to me now. There isn't room for the bittersweet with the new. I don't want a fresh start to be tainted by the lingering afterthoughts of my first love.
And so the process goes.
Every last drop- out.

*sigh*.

Hurry up already. I can't wait to begin something fresh and new.