Mine

As the current Mercury Retrograde, comes to an end (on the 4th...yes, I can feel the eyeroll happening from those who know me and my observance of these periods. "Astrology is not something to believe in- it is something to know about." ), I am finding that dispite the major ass-kicking I recieved- I feel wiser and stronger for it. I have gained clarity and insight that I might not otherwise have.


"Heart Of Gold"

I want to live,
I want to give
I've been a miner
for a heart of gold.
It's these expressions
I never give
That keep me searching
for a heart of gold
And I'm getting old.
Keeps me searching
for a heart of gold
And I'm getting old.

Is it a coincidence that to "mine" is defined as "To extract (ore or minerals) from the earth." and that the word "mine" also means "belonging to me"? The connection here is not lost on me. I have been digging deep over the last 3 weeks, and have unearthed some gorgeous gems. It was not easy work. I have been mining for heart of gold- not believing that my own was what I sought. Or rather believing that mine would only be validated upon the discovery of another's.

"Lord, what fool's these mortals be!" -Puck from " A MidSummers Night Dream".

There is a vast difference between the words " believe" and "know". I am a smart cookie, and I am knowledgeable about things that others are not, and many things that others are also aware of.
But what I believe, especially about myself secretly, does not always line up with what I know to be true. Sometimes, we play the fool in that we allow false beliefs to direct our lives.

Pure relief and delight have enveloped me in the last 12 hours. I was struggling to make peace between what I knew and what I believed. While I have not quite reconciled some of my secret beliefs (and plan to address them now that they have been discovered and no doubt are the culprit behind what holds me back), what I know to be true has shifted. As GI Joe once said- " knowing is half the battle."

What I know to be true for me and what I believe is this:

I am not missing out on anything
I am exactly, precisely, perfectly, rightly, positively where I am supposed to be.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with me.
I have a heart of gold- it shines brightly, truly, and magnificently.

And that is what is mine.