Letting Go of 8

I stepped on the scale for the first time in 3 weeks yesterday.
To my great excitement it reflected my loss of 8 lbs.
I didn't really lose them. I know right where they went- because I let them go.

Seeing that number drove home the realization and provided tangible proof that what I am doing is working. My effort is resulting in a shift of my energy in so many ways.
8lbs in 3 weeks may not seem like much, but assure you it is a small number made up of tons of stress, worry, fear, loathing, mistrust, and even a little self-hate thrown in for good measure. I let 8lbs of that go. Underneath that layer I have discovered :
love, trust, wonder, laughter, wisdom, divinity, possibility,bliss, awe, gratitude, light....and there is more to be discovered! Could this be any better??!!!


In numerology, the number eight pertains to: inspiration, results, power, ambition, vision, generosity, perseverance, forgiveness, broad-mindedness, and self-discipline.
It speaks about having the potential for enormous success and possibility of enrichment. It is the number of a leader and a survivor.

I am in the midst of a magnificent shift in my life.


This is not all from running, though that is by far and away the most rigorous of my methods. I am also following Geneen Roth's eating guidelines from her book "Women, Food, and God". I don't follow them to the letter everyday. For the most part, I do. And I enjoy my relationship with food more than I have since I was a kid. Food is not my enemy- it is the fuel that helps me to do the work of letting go. Some of Geneen's guidelines:

"Eat without distractions- no music, no tv, no reading."
This forces me to be more present and mindful about what I am taking in. The tastes and textures. And it is not unusual for me to have gratitude for all of the forces that brought me my meal.

"Eat when you are hungry, stop when you are full."
A no brainer, right? Surprisingly, I realized that I nosh a lot when I am bored or just trying to avoid, comfort, or distract myself. Now I wait until I am hungry. And I don't fill myself beyond what I need. Eating without distractions helps a lot to decipher that information. It opens up the channel for me to really listen to what my body is communicating to me.

"No food is is off limits."
Whoo Hoo! You'd think instantly I would be ingesting pizza, and cake whenever possible. But no, I haven't. When my body tells me it wants a slice of pizza, I have it. Only when I am hungry, and I stop when I am full. As I become more tuned into my body, I listen beyond the emotional craving for a food, once I get clear about what I am feeling. That emotional craving comes from feeling a lack somewhere inside me, that can not be soothed by food. So when those feelings are triggered, I stop and listen to them. They just want to be heard and acknowledged.

Once I honor that in myself, there is room for the expression of my cells, bones, and blood. When I listen to them, they tell me they want things like egg scrambles with chard, onion, turkey bacon and cheese. They want soup made heartily of vegetables and chicken sausage with a sourdough roll. They want a salad made of leafy greens with walnuts, and strawberries, red onion and cottage cheese. They want one really delicious little cookie to savor and enjoy. They want water. They want grilled asparagus and a cheeseburger. It's not even that my eating was terrible before- I am eating a lot of the same things now. I am just doing it with a great deal more awareness than previously.

For me, once I eliminated the idea that there were things I could not eat- I no longer feel the desire to have them much. And when I do allow myself to indulge in a once forbidden food, it takes every effort to enjoy each bite instead of loathing myself for being "weak". I eat less and find pleasure more in myself, as well as in the act of nourishing my body.

The other amazing things that contribute to this shift, is that I am trusting in myself more than before and I am meditating almost daily.

By trusting in me, I am opening up and expanding. I am letting new people and experiences in. I am allowing my brilliance to shine like never before. I am allowing myself to be vulnerable and a little more naked than I am used to.

By establishing a meditation practice for myself, I am more present in my skin. I have provided a tool that enables me to be protected and grounded as a sensitive, which does not involve building an energetic wall around my body, made of food. I create a safe space to unload and download. I give myself something sacred every time I take the time to plug in for 5 to 20 minutes a day and connect that which is greater than myself. That of which is the point of origin and what makes up all that I am- Love.

I am allowing myself to be filled up by delight and the light of what it means to be Paula in this world. And though that can be overwhelming some days, most of the time I am pretty damn happy to be here. Owning my divinity and fearing the magnitude of it less everyday. I own that I may be small, and I am powerful. I look forward to letting go of more weight, to make room for the lightness that lives inside every cell of my body.

I finally found it. Though I am taking the long way out, I'll never let that go.