Hibernation

October through January are the roughest months for me, mentally.(Especially this year- my brother got into a freak bicycle accident and spent a night in the hospital the week of Christmas, and I contracted a nasty stomach virus that mimicked food poisoning and made me miss a friend's wedding on New Years Eve. Ugh. December sucked.) Working in retail just zaps me. So much is needed from me- by the end of my day I can't even think about returning a phone call, a text or a facebook comment.
I don't want to.
I want to be left alone.
A lot of times when I come home, I don't turn on the stereo or the tv. I just blissfully allow myself to be undone by the silence in the cottage.
There is a sense of guilt that comes from my lack of communicating. I know people want to connect with me, and I just don't have anything leftover to give. I have always been an all or nothing kind of person. For me, I don't feel right about connecting with someone unless I can give them 100% of my undivided attention. The energy that is taxed from my job and the daily responsibilities of my life is frustrating.
My personality, as a Sagittarius, has always naturally rebelled against clingy energies or demands on my time, life, ways of doing things..it's a blessing and a curse. Independence and freedom are two things I make sure I have for myself. Without them I would be so unhappy. I have to be able to do what I know is best for me, and that includes a self imposed hibernation period.
For the last 3 years, in January, immediately following inventory after New Year's, I schedule for myself a "communication vacation". No phone, no email, no appointments. This year I took a whole week off, and I aside from attending a friend's 30th birthday and a massage- I stayed home. I napped. I caught up on some natal charts. I worked on a puzzle. I napped some more. I watched a few movies. I read some books. I journaled. I reflected. I relaxed. I recalibrated myself. I gave myself the gift of being left alone.
3 days ago, I went back to work. I was ready to. I felt refreshed, confident and ready to be present and accomplish goals.
I feel that way in general now.
The open sign is on and up. I am ready to plug back into my world. Which means a slew of emails, phone calls, and appointments will be made in the next week.
It also means I feel ready to be more present in my relationships. I am ready to connect and give my energy.
But I 'll pace myself and carry over the relaxed tone I have been enjoying. Gotta do it all in my own way, in my own time.
That's just how I roll.