It's about Forgiveness

So it has been a month (has it really been a month??!!) since I last posted. I have been working a lot on forgiveness. Dave and I have been in contact and it is necessary for me. It is part of the letting go, tying up loose ends, facing the last of the sadness and anger that have resided in my heart for far too long now. It's a kind of spiritual spring cleaning. I am very aware of the fact that my next relationship is on it's way, and in order for me to fully be engaged in it and open to receiving all of the good stuff coming - I need to clean out my heart and find the forgiveness inside it.
I know what most of you are thinking - how could you let him back into your life even for a minute after what he did to you? Yeah. I know. How could I? The truth of life is though, that whether we talk or don't talk, we are connected. All of us in this world are connected. He and I were connected for a long time, and now as we say the important pieces for each other and recognize and openly acknowledge our own parts in how our connection to each other failed, it is rather healing for us both.
Yes, without a doubt he is one of the most selfish, emotionally fucked up people I have ever met. And he is also a person here on this earth, working to figure himself out through the experiences he chooses. Just as I am doing, just as you are doing. We are not so different in that regard, you know.
Anger comes from fear. Fear that we weren't loved or appreciated. Fear that there isn't enough love for us. Fear that we are not worthy and therefore we look to see our own love in another eye's so that we may know it. Fear can move in and stay for as long as you lay out the welcome mat. I did that for 3 years.
Sadness comes from knowing the fear, and seeing where we allowed so much of who we are to be taken and given away. It comes from seeing those moments of pure love, known or unknown, and feeling that we will never get to experience that again. Which is a completely false idea. That is the great thing about our power to choose what want to experience in life. We choose what we think we are worth and then call in the " players" to help us act out that scene and realize the vision and the lessons that come with it. Everything is a choice- everything.
I choose to let go of the hurt, and the anger, and the sadness that have stayed with me for these many months. I choose to not let it make me hard and bitter. I choose, instead, for it to make me wiser, stronger, and truer. I choose to be open to my greatest good. I choose to be in love - with myself and my life. I choose to continue to call in fantastic, amazing people in my life to help illuminate the truth of all that I am in this world. I choose to wish Dave the absolute best and the hope that he will find the love for himself that has alluded him all of his life.
We are all here to help each other. Though the ways we help each other can be unpleasant and beyond challenging. It is all part of our story.
We are all worthy of the happiest of endings, no matter who we are, what we have done, or where we have been.
It's about forgiveness - for ourselves and each other. The world could use a little more of that, don't you agree? Why not start with a small, kind act for yourself?



I got the call today, I didn't wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And the struggles we went through
And how I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?

I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

These times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined
...People filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age
The trust and self-assurance that can lead to happiness
They're the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the work I put between us,
Doesn't keep me warm

I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you, Baby
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But everything changes
And my friends seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

There are people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down and hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; life goes on
You keep carrin' that anger, it'll eat you inside

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
Because the flesh will get weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I'm thinkin' about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

(I just checked my email and saw this had been sent to me today. Amazing how it coincides with what I am feeling today and wrote, isn't it? There are no accidents, clearly...)

http://www.soulfulliving.com/choosepeace.htm